Pull your husband close and dance barefoot in the kitchen.
Cradle your littles and kiss those chubby cheeks.
Hug your tweens and tell them they’ll always be your baby.
Grab that teenager and tickle those stinky feet.
Pray in the car.
Point to Jesus.
Serve when it’s hard.
Choose love when it hurts.
Be thankful.
Gather your family for meals every day.
Speak life every chance you get.
Choose worship over worry.
Live,
Read,
memorize,
and teach your children
The Word.
Give honor to the One who created your family.
Fall in love with Jesus by falling on your knees.
Courageously pour hope into your home.
Stand your ground, mammas.
have a mother’s courage.
đIt means so much that you’re taking this journey with me.â¤
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I have baby onesies with no pudgy legs to fill them. I have space where I hung dresses for a job I didnât get.
Having empty space in our lives, doesnât mean weâre called to endure emptiness. Once a woman wept outside an empty tomb and was met by the hope of the world.
Remember Mary, the shamed woman whose heart was seen by Jesus? In Him, she was most likely cherished for the first time. Then she witnessed the desire of her heart mocked, beaten, and nailed to a cross.
Maryâs new identity was mercilessly pinned to a piece of wood. Her hope was in Jesus. And now it hung lifeless for the whole world to see.
Our desires may be holy and epic! For me, wanting to adopt is that one desire I feel Iâve been watching die a gruesome death. Itâs out of my hands. All I can do is stand aside and feel the fool for believing. Have you ever felt this way; that God entrusted you with a longing but it seems itâs a no-go?
Iâm guessing Mary may have felt this way. She proclaimed the hope of the world had come, and the next day they rolled a stone sealing His grave.
Still, she knelt outside the tomb, where her unmet expectations lay buried and dead.
Dying to self is a true death. And itâs OK to treat it that way. As long as we donât forget: We worship a God of resurrection!
Mary went to Jesusâ tomb, terrified and confused to find it hollow. She pleaded with the angels, asking where theyâd taken him. (John 20:11-18). Itâs not that she wanted Jesus to be dead, but itâs what she expected.
Sometimes, we’re so busy focusing on the hollowness of a situation…we miss the hallelujah!
Weâre so much like Mary. If weâve watched a desire of our heart be abused and buried, we visit the grave expecting it to stay that way forever.
We forget what hope looks like. When this happens, we can miss it staring us in the face.
Hope looks like Jesus.
Hope is Jesus.
Mary didnât even recognize Him when he appeared to her outside the tomb. She mistakes him for the gardener! (John 20:15) She was seized by the fact things didnât remain irredeemable. The world was whispering, “Whatâs the point? What you hoped for is still dead.”
But the world lies. Thereâs always a resurrection!  Whateverâs  lifeless, looks different after revival.
Jesus looked different. He was glorified. (Philippians 2:20-21) I think itâs why Mary didnât recognize Him right away.
Itâs the same with the desires of our hearts. Itâs not that they arenât lovely, but God has something planned to take our breath away! Something we havenât considered. Something impossible.
This. Is. Faith. Standing outside a graveyard and believing resurrection will come.
Weâre completing our Foster Certification. Something mind you, we said weâd NEVER do. God, through the past five years of loss and frustration, has been tirelessly crafting our powdered dreams into something completely different than what we expected to see. The idea of becoming Foster Parents was our equivalent of Mary mistaking Jesus for the gardener. We initially flipped out, âWhere have you taken our dead dream?!!â I just wanted to remain face down, ugly crying like Mary.
Sometimes, itâs easier to sit in disappointment then to step into the unknown. This is a big unknown for us! But I know the sweet face of hope. I refuse to mistake Him.
Weâre approaching a desolate space and expecting the impossible to happen.
Weâre expecting God to resurrect all that was lost.
Weâre expecting desires to look different.
Standing right in front of us, could be the glorified, holy, resurrected will for our lives.
âLetâs baby wrestle! Iâll get on my knees and put one hand behind my back. You can fight normalâŚbut don’t tell Mom.â
My poor big brother; he desperately wished I was a boy. So I agreed, on several occasions, to âbaby wrestle.â
Why did I entertain this sibling wackiness?! Iâm sure a therapist would say it’s some quirky way of bonding. Whatever. Reality was, I knew- even though he was stronger than me, he wouldnât hurt me. He couldn’t, or I would tell Mom. It was my chance to “bring it” full force.
God welcomes our desire to wrestle, too. He wants us to run full force into his arms when we’re frustrated. Of course He’s stronger, but He won’t crush us. We can’t hesitate to step onto the mat; where unmet expectations lay sprawled out on the sweaty, sticky floor, and “bring it”.
Listen loves, thereâs no form of battle more intimate then wrestlingâŚ
Itâs grabbing hold; skin to skin, breath to breath, strength against strength.
Reaching out and seizing God – is seizing all that is good. But weâll never know if we donât engage in the communion.
Do you want to know God? You must be willing to honestly approach Him. Get in His face. Itâs beautiful, steadfast & glorious.
Do you want to know who you are? Accept wrestling with God is part of your refining. Jacob wrestled with God, and afterwards, God gave him a new name. (Genesis 32:22-32 & Hosea 12:4) It was in the wrestling God clarified Jacob’s identity. We could be missing a defining moment if we abandon the arena of connection with our Father in Heaven.
Three reasons we walk away:
Weâre full of pride. Deep down we think, whatever Godâs purposes are, itâs not valid enough for us. Therefore, weâve no desire to hear what he has to say. Weâre over it. Weâre over him. We love ourselves and our plan for life more than we love God. We truly think: heâs not worth the sweat; the conversation isnât worth our time. Simple as that.
Weâre full of misconceptions about Godâs character. God’s always good. But if one smidgen of our heart suspects heâs a bit evilâŚweâre not going to challenge him. We know heâs stronger and suspect heâll pin us down and punch us in the face. Maybe, weâve misunderstood what it means to âfear Godâ? Maybe, weâve confused loving discipline with punishment? But, somewhere along our journey, weâve believed the lie, âGod isnât always good.â
We think itâs a sin to bring our questions to God. Nowhere, I can find, is it a sin to communicate freely with God. However, itâs a matter of the heart. God sent his son, tearing down the veil separating us from direct communication with Him. He wants authentic relationship. He formed us in His imageâŚthe image that presses in and fights for intimacy. The image so consumed with the desire to be known, heâs moved space, time and history in order to touch us. Believe me: He wants to talk to you.
The majority of âfaith heroesâ in the Bible, in some manner, pushed back at God when they didnât understand his plan. Two elements of their wrestling are routinely evident:
They were humble enough to be honest. If youâre reading this thinking, I never question God in my heart, I always accept His plan without a struggle, I suspect youâre lying to God and yourself. If that was true, youâd have perfect faith. Youâre not Jesus, sister. And even in His perfect faith, he asked God if heâd be willing to change His planâŚthree times! (Matthew 26:36-44)
They trusted Godâs goodness. They knew Godâs love was permanent. Even in their unbelief, anger and sorrow-God’s plan wasn’t to walk away. Instead of pinning them down in His strength, God firmly cradled them until they understood he was not only God, but also loving Father.
If you receive anything from this read, hear this: Itâs better to run to God with your frustrations, then to run from Him in frustration. Take the first step onto the mat.
Iâve put together a list of helpful Bible verses to showcase youâre not alone in your wrestling with Godâs ways. FREE DOWNLOAD:God’s Word — Marked by Love
Dear ones,
Iâm writing you these truths because Iâve found myself huddled, in several seasons, in one of the âThree Reasons We Walk Awayâ camps listed. Itâs too much to break down in a simple blog post. I have a heavy burden on my heart for you if youâre in one of these spaces right now. Please message me.
We call it, âThe Dark Hole of our Marriage.â I was thirty and had birthed three kids in 2 ½ years. Everyone around me was a total jerk. Everyone. Other mammas, my mirror, the mailman, and especially that speed-walker dude on Kellogg. Trust me – but donât trust me. I hadnât slept and each day was a blur of diapers, feedings and potty accidents. It wasnât until I was thirty-three that I began to feel a bit human again. Kids were sleeping more; playing in the toilet less. I finally understood; maybe everyone around me wasnât really a jerk. Maybe the honking lady in the Sprouts parking lot truly cared my baby was rolling away with my shopping cart. Maybe.
Perhaps, they were just offering an oxygen mask to a suffocating girl.
Life’s truly a canvas of mountains and valleys. One of the greatest dangers for extreme mountain climbers is lack of oxygen to the brain. When this happens, they get disoriented and canât think clearly (Hello, motherhood!). They become incapable of ascending or descending the mountain alone. A fellow climber must place their own oxygen mask over the climberâs mouth and physically help them down.
This is how God designed fellowship to work. Because we all have âmountainsâ to climb, dear ones!
On some mountains, youâll be stronger than me. Your faith wonât falter. Youâll have a week when all the kiddos are healthy, and youâve had bunches of quiet time with Jesus. Your oxygen tank will be 100% full with a backup in the mini-van.
On other climbs, I might be honking at your kiddo in a runaway shopping cart.
But what is our spiritual oxygen tank filled with? Encouragement? Wise words? Dinner on the doorstep?
All of these are precious and certainly loving. But weâre talking about our sisters SUFFOCATING!!! I donât care how epic your baked pasta dish is, itâs not going to cut it.
Two things are made from the breath of God in the Bible: Mankind (Genesis 2:7), and Godâs word (1 Timothy 3:16).
This is no coincidence. When our spirits are gasping for air, we need the breath of Godâs word poured into us. But what happens when weâre too worn out to lift relief to our lips? Youâre not the only gal who struggles to find time to read Godâs word. But you donât need to collapse on the trail and declare it hopeless.
Look around for other climbers – other believers. Use what’s left in your lungs to cry out, âSomeone, please speak the word of God over my life right now!â
This is not shameful. This is brave.
Your life, your children, your marriage, your sanity, in some way, depend on your ability to recognize, youâre too exhausted to ascend higher by yourself. Some days, weâll need a sister to hoist us up, press the word of God upon our lips and carry us straight to Jesus.
And if this isnât you right now, get ready for a search and rescue season! I guarantee thereâs someone with an empty oxygen tank on your trail. Scoop them up, speak Godâs truth into their life and take them to the King.
I kept banging around the bowl trying to corner him, âSeriously fish! Trust me!”
Talking to my blue fish has become the norm these days. Heâs the kind of guy whoâd never leave dirty socks on the floor. And, he never asks things like, Mommy, why do you laugh like a seal? Heâs such a gentleman.
Each week he graciously swims into my net to be transferred to clean water.
But, yesterday! He gave the biggest attitude. He wouldnât get into the net and it wasnât funny! If he didnât want this water, he was welcome to the toilet I’d scrubbed earlier.
I crashed my net against the glass again, âI donât want you to get sick!â.
My heart winced. I was on the verge of being sick tooâŚspiritually sick. I knew it, and God was getting my attention. I was all bent out of shape over this fish not letting me save it from poop water, as I defiantly swam in my own.
I recently expected God to move in a certain way in my lifeâŚand he didnât. I was heartbroken.
Iâd rather be submerged in disappointment, then be transferred into Godâs perspective of my circumstances. I was over it. Over praying. Over crying. Over…whelmed.
Still, here was God, trying to rescue me, âSeriously child! Trust me. I donât want you to get sick!â
Godâs love has never failed me. Heâs carried me like, a Father carries a son, out of every Egypt and wilderness Iâve faced. Why was I banging my head against the bowl trying to escape rescue?
If I enter into Godâs saving net, Heâll raise me up into a pocket of air called the unknown.
Letâs be honest, breathing in the unknown, can hurt.
I got that stubborn fish in the net, he wriggled in desperation, gasping, until I plopped him safely in clean water. When weâre scooped up into Godâs purposes, we donât have to mimic a suffocating fish. If it feels like we canât breathe, itâs because weâre choking on lies.
Here is the truth: God isnât going to flush us down the toilet.
We can enter into the unknown, clinging confidently to the known.
We know our God is good!
Abandoning the mire and surrendering to hope, elevates us to a new atmosphere. Like those who train to climb Mt. Everest, it will stretch and challenge the lungs of our faith. The air is thin and burns our chest.
Yet, our Father teaches us a new way to breathe. Instead of gasping on lies, we deeply inhale his promises.
One by one-
He loves us. He lifts us higher.
He fights for us. We grow stronger.
Heâs with us. We have peace.
Our mighty God will always deliver us to a place of hope and beauty.
“There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.â -Deuteronomy 1:30-31
My arm was starting to fall asleep, just like my 6 year old daughter in my arms. Â My hubby and I were at the Christmas Concert at church with all three of our kiddos. Â We knew it would stretch them well beyond their normal bed time, but there is truly something holy about worshiping as a family. Â It would be worth it!
For the first hour all three kids were clapping and doing their best to read the words on the screen to sing along.  They even feigned laughter at the first musicianâs jokesâŚjokes they were too young to really understand.  An hour and fifteen minutes inâŚBAM!âŚtwo kiddos passed out.
I held my daughterâs collapsed body and stood in worship for a good 30 minutes.  (Too bad God used this to show me Iâm getting old!)  My lower back was starting to seize upâŚone arm was completely tingly and my neck was tight.  Seriously, why did I wear these Uggs?  They were crazy hot!
I found myself praying, âLORD, give me the energy to still focus on You and not on my aching body.â  So I stood, holding my sleeping daughter.  My 7 year old son was still rocking out.
Then the music slowedâŚâCome let us adore Him, O Come Let us adore HimâŚ.â  My body wanted so badly to sit down, but my spirit and my heart refused to let me sit.  Then we reached the last chorus, âFor You alone are worthyâŚfor You alone are worthyâŚ.â  My soul wanted to lift up hands in praise, but if I lifted my hand, I might collapse from holding my daughter with just one arm.  ButâŚhow could I NOT lift my hands in praise?  FOR HE ALONE IS WORTHYâŚâ  My body was so tired, my arms literally felt so heavy âŚbutâŚHE ALONE IS WORTHY!â
I heard these words in my heart:  Your burden may feel heavy, it may be hard to lift your hands in worship right now, Daughter, but HE IS WORTHY!  No burden you carry outweighs the weight of my holiness; no pain in your body or heart negates My worthiness to be praised. YOU LIFT YOUR HANDS AND WORSHIP JESUS!
I untangled my left arm from under my daughterâs legs and flexed my right arm to prepare for the extra weight.  I lifted up my shaking arm and reached out to my Jesus.  I am not going to lie, I was sweating and my legs felt like they would buckle beneath me.  I felt Godâs eyes on me.  He saw this tired Momma holding her child while reaching up to Him.
I opened my eyes to find my son looking up at me. He was watching me struggle to worship.  He had seen me clumsily thrust my arm up into the air and reach out to God. We locked eyes and together we sang, âFor He alone is worthy, For He alone is worthyâŚ!”
Maybe this sweet little lesson about worshiping through the pain and numbness of life wasn’t for me alone.  How was God going to use this little glimpse in my son’s heart?  Only God knows.  How many times have you had a real life struggle and come to find someone was watching you as you struggled to worship?
What a huge witness you are to the broken when you âpush throughâ the ache and lift your arms to the sky and sing, âFor HE ALONE IS WORTHY!â. I am so thankful Jesus gives us the strength to do this in our every day lives.
God met me in my little place on this Earth that night.  He poured into me a lesson through something as simple as holding my sleeping daughter.
People are watching us this Christmas season. Â Most likely, they are people we donât expect or see. Â Pray for strength and endurance to give Him the worship and praise that He is due!
Dear Jesus, help us not to grow numb to You this season. Â Allow us to feel our burdens and aches so that we may give them over to You. Use our lives as a living hymn to those around us, lives which sing loudly, âFOR HE ALONE IS WORTHY!â
God sent his son, so I could be his daughter. I have no problem accepting that I am Godâs child. This knowledge has wrapped me up in safety and peace my whole life. I belong to God.
I was reading over The Lordâs Prayer this week. It begins with, Our Father. For the first time I realized, I never began my prayers by acknowledging God was my Father. Always, my prayers have begun with Dear Lord or Dear God. Never did I pray, Dear Father. I felt God challenging me to pray this way for the first time.
That shouldnât be hard God, no biggie!
But it was.
I couldnât do it. It didnât seem right to me. It almost felt disrespectful. He is my Holy God; He is the maker of all things. I felt like I couldnât begin my prayer with such an earthy name as Father. I have an amazing earthly Father. I didnât need to extend the term upwards to heaven. I was all good in the Daddy department.
God really went after me over this issue. This week in bible study, it referenced Romans 8:15:
ââŚthe Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry,
“Abba, Father.”
This is what was happening. Godâs spirit was relentlessly after me to testify that I should be crying out, ‘Abba, Father’.
Abba is a very personal Hebrew term for Father. It literally means Daddy or Papa. This is what Jesus cries out as he falls to the ground in prayer in the book of Mark:
“Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you.’
Then we go to Galatians, and again:
âBecause you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out,ă”Abba, Father”.
Why was I pressing down the spirit that wanted to call out Abba? Why was it so hard for me to call God my Daddy, my Papa?
God wants extreme intimacy with us. By calling him my Daddy, we must acknowledge God wants more of our trust.
God was casting his net a little further into my heart. He was showing me that there are parts of myself I havenât trusted him with. I struggle a lot with this.
It is hard not to view intimacy through the eyes of my experiences here on earth. If I let someone in just a little too far, it can result in a lot of hurtful disappointment. But God isnât someoneâŚHe is God.
God does not fail us. He finds us.
Wherever we wander, He is always our Father. If my child was lost, or struggling; I would pour every resource I had into finding them and restoring them. But my resources are limited.
God, with his unlimited resources, is pursuing me. He finds me over and over again. He is never failing.
He will never grow tired of pulling me in closer. He will never grow too old to bend down and look me in the eye. He will never be weak and unable to carry me on his shoulders. He will never be too busy to lift up my chin and ask me what is wrong.
He will never lack wisdom to point me in the way I should go. And every time, He will go with me. Every time, He will hold my hand. He will never look away when I am attacked; He will go before me and fight. He will always win.
He will never be too poor to feed me. His love will never dry up and leave me aching for acceptance. He will never lose his voice; He will sing and shout and whisper words of love to me. He will never be sick and unable to run the race with me.
He will never be ashamed of me. I am his workmanship.
He will never leave me without shelter. He bled on two pieces of wood so he could build his dwelling in me. He will never go blind, unable to see that I have tripped and scraped up a part of my heart. He sees me.
My Daddy sees me. Every time.
My Daddy answers me. In His time.
My Daddy holds me. All the time.
My Father loves me. From Heaven, to the cross, and back again.
Pride is such an ugly thing. I donât know how to talk about our decision to adopt without it sounding like we are doing something out of the kindness of our own hearts; That it is truly âourâ idea. Adoption is Godâs idea. Adoption is Godâs plan. We humans, no matter how âgoodâ we think we are, have zero to do with it. ZERO! I feel there is just no way to emphasize accurately the enormity of this truth. It has nothing to do with our goodness, and everything to do with Godâs goodness.
You want to know how âgoodâ of a person I am? I found myself praying through tears on the floor to God that I couldnât do this, that âthis will be too hard, I already have 3 kids that I canât clean up after. How will I do that much laundry?!â  I was throwing the towel in over this stuff.
God is so patient.
He let me go on and on with questions as to how this would affect  MY life. He was quiet. He let me finish. Then he whispered firmly, âChild, everything you asked was how adopting this child would affect you. Not one word from your mouth asked how it would affect the child if you didnât adopt them.â Smack down. Seriously. There are times when God speaks so lovingly in his rebuke that it smacks me down on my face in repentance. This was one of those moments. Yes, there would be more laundry, and more sibling disputes to referee. There would be some sacrifice on my part. But isn’t sacrificing the cost of redeeming a life? Jesus endured far more than a few extra socks to wash when he adopted me. This quote by Derek Loux just wrecks me:
âAdoption is redemption. It is costly, exhausting, expensive and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed him.âContinue reading →
