I have papers filed, stuffed, and strategically tucked away…much like the grief attached to them.
I have official binders of completed Home Studies, one for Ghana, one for Domestic. Another folder filled with the remnants of our Ethiopia dossier. Love letters addressed, “To Our baby from Africa, From Big Sister Ciana,” randomly skydive out of shelves when I tug at a book. It’s routine for me to tenderly tuck them back in the crevice they escaped. It’s routine for me to cry as I do it.
God pressed my heart yesterday,
Why are you keeping all these papers?
Papers have no power.
I struggle releasing the hope that the International Adoption Program in Ghana will re-open. What if it did?! Even if I made gazillion copies of these documents…they’re all expired.
Yet, there’s no expiration date on hope.
When God calls the Israelites to enter the Promise land, He tells them…
“You have stayed long enough at this mountain.” (Deuteronomy 1:6)
It was time to move forward to the new place God had prepared; A land of hope. If you’re familiar with the story, they had major trouble trusting in God’s promise. They’d rather be literal SLAVES in Egypt then to trust God’s call to move forward.
We all do this. We make ourselves slaves to the past. We’re terrified God doesn’t have a better way. So we remain on timed-out mountain-tops and needlessly wander the wilderness.
His word reminds us, “As for God, his way is perfect” (Psalm 18:30)
Don’t hoard what could’ve been. It devours valuable soul space.
Stop asking, Lord, what-if…
Start asking, Lord, what- now?
If we don’t, we may miss the new thing God has for us.
“ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)
Snapshots of the past 5 years have indeed, looked like a spiritual trudge through wasteland. I want to perceive new things God’s springing up in my life. Physical things can clutter the halls of our spiritual house. I’m making room. But it’s not easy.
I couldn’t bring myself to throw all the papers away. I’m constantly handing my heart over for God to complete his work in me. However, I did consolidate them and move them into a garage space. Now they can’t ambush my peace. I’ll only revisit them if God calls me to.
God’s faithfully held me as I’ve mourned on this mountain for a season. But I’ve been here long enough. It’s time to follow Him to new territory.
Honestly, there’s still sorrow in the descent.
Honestly, I have no clear vision of where He’s leading.
I know it’s a land of hope.
I know in order for him to make a “new way”…He’s asked me to move all the papers off the path.
5 thoughts on “Don’t Hoard “What Could’ve Been””
Beautifully written as always, Jenna! What now, Lord? Instead of “what if?..” Hope He brings you love, peace and comfort in this season of healing!
Thank you sweet Olga!! Love you.
Love you too sweet Olga!! xo
I love what you said, that there’s no expiration on hope. And we can, at the same time, embrace the new thing that He is doing.
Yes! It’s hard sometimes though! lol!